The Sherman Project

According to the American Heart Association, ” Heart Disease accounts for 1 in 7 deaths in the US”. Unfortunately, on February 19th, 2018, we suddenly lost my father to a heart attack. You never think anything bad can happen to you or your family until it does. With it having such a high mortality rate I get to be the voice my father no longer has. I want to bring awareness to others about the seriousness and infinite effects heart disease can cause. My father, Sherman, was a hard working painter who loved his family, job and dog poncho. I’m in the process of finishing up the new website “The Sherman Project” were you will be able to purchase a bracelet to help his family and by wearing the bracelet you spread awareness with the world. The bracelets are simple but hold so much meaning, a paint brush for what he did, you could find him 7 days a week working doing what he loved, painting. A red ribbon is for heart disease and all the the lost loved ones and survivors. Lastly, blue beads represents him, it is reserved, quiet and sincere, it brings peace of mind knowing he gets to paint the sky blue and forever be in our hearts. I can’t wait to share this with the world!

Xoxo always❤️

Home

 

It has definitely been a while since I last posted anything, and for that I am sorry. Being a mother has been more than I ever thought it was and with B working and being a full time student it falls on me a lot. Don’t think I am complaining I wouldn’t change my life for anything I just sometimes wish I didn’t have the thoughts I had towards B. I’m not mad I just wish he would understand that I am tired too.

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Home. People say a lot about home. Home is where the heart it. Home is where your family is. Well home for me hasn’t felt like home in a really long time. Home was where I was brought home at 3 months when my two sisters and I were adopted by our aunt and uncle. Home was where I learned to ride a bike and swim at during the summer. Home has always been the same green house with white trim and an american flag hanging proudly in front. Home was home until February 19th, 2018. For the last five or so days prior to that date my dad kept saying he had heartburn. I was almost 7 months pregnant and my brother’s girlfriend was sick. They both lived with us at the time so B and I thought it would be best if we stayed at his moms for a couple days so I didn’t get sick. When we finally came home everyone told me, “Dads not feeling well”. Well if you knew my dad you would know he doesn’t get sick. He is your average hard working man who would work 6 days a week and was in better health than anyone. Or so we thought. He went to the VA that around the 15th or 16th and the doctor told him he was fine. IT WAS JUST HEARTBURN. Jump forward to Monday February 19th, 2018. I woke up that morning and he was still in bed, which was abnormal since he woke up and normally left for work before the sun even came up. We talked briefly and I told him, “Daddy you don’t look good, please go to the hospital”. He agreed. He said he knew something was wrong and planned on going that day, but first he had to go to work so he could finish a job. He loved what he did and said he couldn’t just leave it unfinished. My brother drove him to work and I said goodbye and that I loved him. That was the last time I saw my dad coherent. That was the last time I got to hear him tell me he loved me and that he would see me later. 5 hours go by and I get the call. Everyone was meeting at the hospital and daddy wasn’t looking too good. That’s when the doctor said it. He had been having a massive heart attack for 5 days and he needed open heart surgery immediately. He never made it for them to even stabilize him. I lost my dad on February 19th, 2018. That day I also lost my best friend, my hero and my unborn child’s grandpa. Everything happened so fast I never got a chance to catch my breath because shortly after a huge fight broke out. My brother and my sister (who never has liked our brother) got into it because she blamed him for the death of our father. She said he should of drove him to the hospital not work. It got to the point where I had to call the police. B had enough. We packed our stuff and moved in with his mother. How was I suppose to leave my mom? It wasn’t even a month after he passed. I never got to grieve. As soon as we got to his mothers I was miserable. I couldn’t wait to go back home. I tried to make the best of it but all I wanted was my mom. But there was no time to talk to B because he didn’t want to go back plus our daughter was born April 28th, 2018 so I wasn’t in any condition to move or anything. After a long labor I was overjoyed to have her in our arms. We had family and friends in the hospital room the whole time we were there and it was just filled with love and excitement. Then we came home and it hit me again. I was miserable. I was a first time mom recovering from a c section and instead of having the help from my mom, I had his mom. Now don’t get me wrong I appreciate all his mother did for me but I just feel like its not the same. A month after she was born we all got into a fight and ended back at my moms, all three of us. Now B’s grandma is tearing her whole house upside down to make space for us to go to her house because there we would have two rooms instead of sharing with our daughter. Except now I don’t know. All those feelings are coming back and I don’t know how to tell B because we always fight because he doesn’t want to be here but I can’t let go. It’s the only piece of my dad I have left is being in this house. This is where I have 21 years of memories and I am so stressed out because it is hurting our relationship. I just wish someone could tell me what to do because my heart is telling me to stay but my head knows ideally two rooms would be better than one.

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Is There Life Without Money?

Money. Money. Money. I’m no expert all I have is my personal experience but I can say life seems to be a never ending cycle of spending money and trying to get money. After I was put on maternity leave, the hunt started. How can I make money fast and from the luxury of my own home? After countless hours on the web I have come to find that its almost impossible to do. Many companies state how they can change your life forever and you can start making $700 – $1600 but can you really? I have come across some sites that seem legit but its not income worthy. You can spend your days taking surveys but for what, 5 cents or if you’re lucky 10 cents? Once I became a mother, my view towards working changed. I didn’t want to leave my new baby in the hands of anyone, but is being a stay at home mom realistic now a days? I remember growing up in a one income home where my father worked all day long and my mother stayed at home with us kids doing pretty much everything else. I have decided that at this time in life, I must go back to work but it leaves me wondering how do people manage to live on one income now a days? Is the dream to be able to stay home with my child and future kids a thing of the past?

Being a Student

All my life I was told education was the most important thing in life. To always make sure you put your education first and you will only go up. Being a full time student and a young mother was never the plan, but as we all know nothing goes as planned. I have finished a semester while pregnant but I’m getting ready to start school as a mother. When I first started school, I always thought I would get a degree in nursing but unfortunately after a year and a half I have decided to change my major to Business Administration. I know starting over will be hard especially since I would like to receive a masters but I’m ready for it. I hope my semester goes smoothly and I hope I’m able to find a happy balance between a full time mom and a full time student. This is my journey and I won’t stop until I get to my destination.

Day In The Life

Being at home since March has definitely been an adjustment. I use to work two jobs 7 days a week sometimes both jobs in a day. I’m blessed to be able to stay home this long with our sweet daughter and watch her grow but I haven’t figured out if I can continue to do it. Stay at home mom or working mom?! I’m constantly torn about being there every second of the day or providing a second income for a better future.

My day is anything but normal. It starts bright and early every morning at 6 am when my husbands alarm for work goes off. Too bad he doesn’t wake up, I do. Once my sleep is broken I get up and head to the kitchen. I would love to say I make a fabulous breakfast and start the day right but I’m lucky if I get to drink my coffee hot. Within minutes of me being awake, the baby awakens (see no hot coffee). I get her bottle ready and head back to our room to grab her so she can eat. By this time, my husband is fully awake in the shower. We currently live with my mom since we both are in school still so I get a lot of help from her. By the time he’s out of the shower our daughter and I are both dressed and “fed”. Luckily, when my mother wakes up she takes the baby so I can lay down for an hour or so. Everyday laundry needs to get done, groceries need to be bought and dishes need to be cleaned. Around 10:30 am our daughter takes a nap so I’m able to get the most done around this time. B will be at work all day so by the time he gets home he’s tired. I don’t expect anything from him, when he gets home the laundry is done, dinner is almost ready and our baby is happy. I live a crazy life some days but it’s the best life. It’s a moms life. And after most chores are done or at least started I take sometime for myself. I believe it’s very important to have time for yourself, a quiet time where you can think straight and just breathe. The day in the life of a mom is not easy. I applaud all mothers for doing what they do! I’m so grateful I get to experience motherhood with all its craziness! The love I have for my family I wouldn’t change for anything❤️

Dear Daughter

You know not everything in life turns out the way you hope for. I thought I had my life completely figured out until two pink lines changed my world forever.

Dear Daughter,

I never know what to say so bare with me as I try to find the worlds to express how you’ve changed my life forever. Before you were born I was in a very dark place, I hated everyone around me but I hated myself the most. You see I’ve never felt like I could accomplish anything great in life. I wasn’t a genius when it came to school, I didn’t know how to play an instrument and I didn’t like sports. I couldn’t find anything that interested me so I fell down a bad path. I went out every night and was in a relationship I hope you never find yourself in. My life was spiraling out of control until I met your daddy. He treated me like a person and encouraged me to better my life. It was every bit of a sappy love story you could think of. We had everything planned….until we didn’t. Becoming pregnant changed our plan and after a few rocky months, reality set in that we were going to be parents. Everyone was excited and couldn’t wait to meet this sweet little baby girl! Unfortunately, before he was able to meet you, your grandpa, my father passed away. I lost it and didn’t know what to do. How could I raise a child without one of my favorite people? It all flew by so fast and next thing I know you’re in my arms. After all those months of sadness and uncertainty, it all cleaned. When I saw you I saw a future. I saw a purpose in life and a will to keep fighting. You saved me and becoming your mama has been the biggest blessing I could ask for. I hope you grow up knowing that I’m not perfect but I’m trying everyday to give you the life you deserve. Your daddy and I are trying so hard right now to finish school so you can have a permanent place to call home. I never want you growing up thinking you’re not enough because you gave me the strength to realize I was. I never want you to doubt how loved you are. I hope you grow up to feel comfortable enough to confide in us no matter what happened. You will always be our little girl and I thank god everyday for what he has given us. But most important I thank god everyday for bringing you into our lives when we needed you the most! For now you’re just a small child who needs me everyday but I hope when you find yourself no longer needing me you’ll always remember where your home is.

Love your mama ❤️